i have a lot on my mind that i want to write about, about understanding and turnover and sacrifice and serendipity and structure
but the thing that’s taking over is that i’m very very nervous about this lna certification exam i’m about to take tomorrow morning
here is potentially the only possible on-paper Accomplishment ill have had in 2 years
what if i fuck it up
what if i fuck it up
"graduated group therapy program""isn’t currently having psychotic breakdown" "can effectively talk about feelings" can only boost my confidence so much you know???
pray 4 me pls
thinking about how “female haircuts” are significantly more expensive than “male haircuts” no matter where you go, no matter what style you’re looking for, long or short
and yet women are ridiculous for spending too much money
[I]t is actually more expensive to be poor than not poor. If you can’t afford the first month’s rent and security deposit you need in order to rent an apartment, you may get stuck in an overpriced residential motel. If you don’t have a kitchen or even a refrigerator and microwave, you will find yourself falling back on convenience store food, which—in addition to its nutritional deficits—is also alarmingly overpriced. If you need a loan, as most poor people eventually do, you will end up paying an interest rate many times more than what a more affluent borrower would be charged. To be poor—especially with children to support and care for—is a perpetual high-wire act.
It Is Expensive to Be Poor | The Atlantic (via america-wakiewakie)
Reblog this forever. I’ll never forget how many of my students in the school I worked in with a 100% free and reduced lunch rate lived in residential motels and how many of them relied on the school to get breakfast and lunch and how often those were their only meals for the day.
Or how my friends who have older cars have to spend so much money repairing them but an older car was all they could afford in the first place.
And how you literally have no safety net because if you already fixed one thing on your car and something else goes a week later, you’ve already spent the little bit of buffer you saved up.
Add lack of health insurance and mountains of medical expenses to this and you can see why so many disabled and chronically ill people live in severe poverty…
i found some blogs of a couple people from high school who don’t know i’m on here and felt like such a sleuth. i think i do care about the people from high school, i saw this one preppy boy at my church on christmas eve and felt a lot of affection and curiosity, mainly curiosity. i hope people are doing well, i hope they’re growing and learning and less cruel. high school was so painful for me, id break down crying in class more often than i care to remember. my laugh was always too loud, my grip on friendships too desperate, my presence lurky and awkward. still i feel affection for most of the people there with me - if i blame anyone it’s the toxic culture surrounding us. there were a few times when i’d wake up shaking with the words people said to me, but i honestly think i have no individual grudges. which is kind of big.
(shout out to the people i knew in high school who follow me…i guess you know i’m a mess…hahaha…feel free to say hi i really do care about how you are)
i’m doing my best to stay hopeful and compassionate and not judge myself at least i think i’m working hard??
but i don’t leave the house i’m too disinterested to watch anything and too fretful and absent-minded to read anything and i have very little trust or hope in anything right now i’m just picking my scabs and squishing my stomach around and feeling grosser and grosser
i think it’s a factor of a lot of changes happening in the near future? i don’t consider myself afraid of change, i’m anxious for it! but they also add a new level of subconscious stress? this is terrible wording and i’m sorry for that.
my god what if i’m not smart enough to go back to school?? i’ve been away two years and for most of that time my brain was psychotic mush. i see all these students and scholars achieving amazing things writing beautiful things i can’t compete!
feeling weak bodied, feeling weak minded. my throat is dry and painful but at least that sickness is over, i’m drinking cold honeyed tea.
amazon fucked up my vibrator order and didn’t send me one of the ones i ordered
and i’ve been too anxious to call and ask for my money back for about two weeks now
is it too late?
why am i this anxious all the time now?
what is going on?????